Those late phone calls

Last night I spent about two hours on the phone with someone that I love and care very much about. A good part of those two hours was spent with her in tears or near tears as she recounted the ups and downs in the relationship she is in. They've been married for over 20 years, have grown children and are both working normal jobs to make ends meet - in a nutshell life can be stressful. It seems some days are good days where they can talk without arguing, but these are rare as the other 80% of the year they argue, heated words are exchanged back and forth - sometimes things die down after words are exchanged but other times he completely loses it and starts to use his fingers to jab at her face or head - which leaves bruises. This unhappy, constantly arguing living situation has been going on for years, but the physical abuse is once or twice a year at most, despite that, she hasn't confided in anyone - afraid of what people will say, she hasn't filed a police report as she's afraid FOR him. He doesn't know she's having the conversation with me. She's fed up of always having to put up a front for everyone that doesn't know just how rocky their relationship is.

I was/still am very distraught after talking to her, I can't help unless she wants me to help, she doesn't want me to say anything to him - yet. Talking to Kev about it after I got off the phone I was trying to explain the dynamics of the relationship she's in. For the most part the entire family is confrontational in their tone of speech, just the manner in which they may ask each other for a banana is enough to start an argument because of the tone and choice of words, hence it's not hard to envision why things can escalate to the levels that they apparently have.

I just don't know what to do about it, I told her last night that I would like to talk to him to - first of all tell him not to do it - and secondly that if I ever hear or see evidence that he has, I'll report him to the cops. But she doesn't want me to say anything to him, yet. What's she waiting for? The next time that it happens? I know they've been married for so many years that she doesn't want to get the cops involved, she just wants him to stop doing it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that she's faultless in all of it, obviously the exchange of words provoke this kind of behaviour and she's capable of being vicious with her words but at the end of the day it doesn't matter who says what from dawn until dusk, if yelling and screaming is the way you communicate that's fine [you may need counselling but it's not a crime] but when it comes to physical abuse you've just stepped over that line.

I just wish, for her sake, that I could just talk to him to make it stop but I still have to respect her need for me to keep this between us until she's ready to accept some help.


Current Mood: Concerned